Teri's Special Children's Blog

TERRI'S SPECIAL CHILDREN BLOG
Weekday Reflection: Guilt

Read: “I knew several people that had babies and they were always healthy. They ate, slept and did all the 'normal' baby things they they were supposed to. I had never really been around chronically sick children before and it was really hard to see children suffering. And now, mine was one of them. What had I done wrong? What had I done to deserve this?”--Amy Jo Yewell, The Silent Cry, this week's featured book.

Reflect: Do I blame myself for my child's disabilities? Am I jealous of others with healthy children and no obvious problems?

Respond: It's important to recognize and process guilt and anger you feel, but those emotions aren't very useful to the day-to-day work and love of parenting your child. Set some time aside to indulge your worries or pour your darker emotions into a journal, and then leave them there when you're helping and caring for your child.

Tell Me About Your Special-Needs Site

Every weekday on this site, I offer a Site of the Day of interest of parents of children with special needs. I'm always scouring the Web looking for good stuff, but referrals are helpful, too. If there's a site that you've found indespensible---whether on a specific disability or disability issues in general—share the link in the comments to this post and I'll check it out. Some of the best sites I've found as a parent have been at the suggestion of moms and dads in the know, and I'd love to be able to pass your finds on to others (and use them myself).

Site of the Day: GettingHired,com

What It Is: “The GettingHired Mission: To create sustainable employment growth and opportunity for people with disabilities. The GettingHired internet based portal accomplishes its mission by serving and connecting: Job seekers with Disabilities: Committed Employers; Advocacy Organizations; Service Providers.”

Who's In Charge: The company's executives bring experience from leading major corporations and business ventures.

What It's Worth Checking Out: If your child is at an age when job-seeking and career-building are important, this site has lots of resources and opportunities to offer, including networking, mentors, resume building, career-assessments, interview training and job listings. If you're still a ways away from that, you may still want to see what's out there and think about what your child will be able accomplish.

+Page of the Day: Book Review: Make the Day Matter+
Leave Tantrums in “The Parking Lot”

I asked for your child discipline tips, and reader canmombecalm submitted a great idea for tabling tantrums, under the title “The Parking Lot”

“When you lack time and patience for your child's request and you know that he will get upset if you don't agree to his wishes, then I put his request in the 'parking lot.' The parking lot is just a sheet of paper on the wall in our home, likely near the door as many of the tantrums start there, just before you try to leave the house. I drew a picture of a car and just put his request on the paper with a blank checkbox next to what I wrote and told him that he would get to do it later. Writing it down seemed to validate his feelings and immediately quelled any possible tantrums headed our way. He was also happy to check off the box when he was given the opportunity to fulfill his request afterwards. I think it also helps my child to learn to delayed gratification—an issue with which he struggles daily.”

I've found over the years that things like this work with my kids, too---sometimes, all they need is a little validation or even a simple distraction to head off out-of-control behavior. But so often things we do instead, like threats or overreactions, turn up the emotional volume in a way that guarantees a meltdown. What behavior management techniques work for you? Share them on the Readers Respond page.

Weekday Reflection: Friends and Family

Read: “Sometimes there seems to be a “statue of limitations' on some friends and family members understanding---After some time passes, everyone goes on with their own lives and they seem to forget that we are in exactly the same position that we were in, or worse than we were.”--Amy Jo Yowell, The Silent Cry, this weeks' featured book.

Reflect: Do I feel abandoned by friends and family? Do they know I feel that way? Are there things I can do to reestablish those connections, or is it time to move on?

Respond: Sometimes, the people who react poorly to a child's disability and the changes it brings to our lives are not worth making an effort to include, as much as it hurts to lose them. You may have to find a way to tolerate their behavior, and probably vent about it, but it's the relationships that flourish under these new circumstances that you'll really want to cherish. If you're lacking in those, look to a support group to find friends who get it.

Tell Me About Your Special-Needs Blog

Every day, I spend what's probably a shameful amount of time reading RSS feeds of blogs to see what's going on around the Internet. Many of those have to do with special needs, and, maybe to justify the amount of time I spend blog-hopping. I pick out stories of interest and share them with you in my Today's News and Views folder. From there, those stories travel to the Weekly News folder and finally to news folders on their particular topics, so you can easily find what's happening in your own area of interest. If you write a blog about your family's special-needs journey, or have a favorite that you follow faithfully, mention it in the comments here and I'll add it to my RSS rounds, for possible linking in those news folders.

Site of the Day: Autism Safety Project

What It Is: “The Autism Safety Project provides First Responders with information and guidelines for communicating with individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) in emergency situations.”

Who's In Charge: The site is under the umbrella of Autism Speaks.

Why It's Worth Checking Out: A recent flurry of news stories about police officers misinterpreting the behavior of individuals with autism highlighted the need for education and awareness. Since parents are the natural choices to advocate for that training and provide material to local authorities, you'll want to take a good look at the resources here and think about what you can do with them.

Where To Start: Information for Families

+Page of the Day: Special-Needs Advocacy: Seven Ways to Get Involved+
One Reader's Dream Invention: Meltdown o Meter

Every week at the top of the About com, Parenting Special Needs homepage you'll find a “Question of the Week,” and this week's asks, “If you could invent a special-needs tool, what would it be?” Reader ireneeswval recently submitted a great suggestions, under the title “Meltdown o meter and more””

“I would like to have a meldown o meter that tells me what is causing this meltdown so I can intervene and take away the cause! Someone I know wants a lie detector that flashes the truth followed by the appropriate law to take to IEP meetings.”

I'd take each of those, for sure. Do you have a fanciful invention you're just dying to see? Please add it to the Readers Respond page—and read the ten I came up with, too.

Weekday Reflection: Aggression

Read: “This brings me to the fundamental question you have to ask yourself any time you're trying to solve a problem with aggression: is the aggression coming from fear or dominance? That's important, because punishment will make a fearful animal worse, whereas punishment may be necessary to curb assertive aggression.”--Temple Grandin, Animals in Translation

Reflect: Is what's true for animals true for children, too? Does my child's aggression come from a place of dominance or fear? Does my reaction take that into account?

Respond: Performing a behavior analysis on troubling behavior can help you find what's behind it and tailor an appropriate response.

Tell Me About Your Special-Needs Business

If you're the parent of a child with special needs who has found a solution to helping your child and then turned that into a business to help other, I want to hear from you. Enterprising Parents is a feature on this site spotlighting online companies run by and for special-needs parents, and I'm always looking for new shops to share. Non-parent-run businesses with a special-needs slant have their own spot now on the Parenting Special Needs Forum in the Marketplace. And if you're just a parent seeking a place to find solutions for your child? Now you know where to look.

Http://specialchildren.about.com/b/